Mother We just Can't Get Enough

There's something about you.

 Turns me inside out whenever you're around.

Endings

This last week has been quite challenging for me. If I am being totally honest, this last year has been very challenging for me. When September rolled around I was filled with excitment because this year marks the end of so many important things in my life.

This year marks the end of :

1.) Theta

2.) School

3.) Friendships as I know them

I will start with Theta. I joined a sorority in my second year of University. It was the most terrifying thing that I had ever done. It was scary for multiple reasons. I didn't think that I was pretty enough, outgoing enough, or well.. just ENOUGH to be part of such a "prestige" student group. And it was also scary because it was the first thing that I had ever done just for me, without the support of my parents.

Theta provided me with exactly what I needed in my University experience. It provided me with a support system, a place to call home, and memories that will be with me forever. However, as my third year came to an end I was excited to say goodbye. I was ready to move on with my life. With all the ups and down and frustrations that came along with it, all the excitement I had over ending the experience washed away this week with the Initiations of our new members.

 It kind of reminds me of a breakup. Leading up to the end you are thinking of all the bad things, all their annoying quirks, all the things that irritate you and have caused you stress. But when the day rolls around that its time to pack up and move out and you are really looking at them, all you can think about are the good things, the late night talks, the trips, the good moments. It hit me hard this week, that through it all I really did fall in love with it all. I would listen to all the ladies talk about how much the experience ment to them and how it changed them. I thought to myself... I dont feel changed... I dont feel blown away. But it happened. there was no defining moment in my experience but it just happened. Love was formed. And I will forever be Proud to be a Theta.

The end of school marks the end of life as I have ever known it. As I have said before... All I know is how to be a student. Working is one of those things that kills my soul. I like the stress of a deadline. I like studying. I like writing papers. What will I do without that? If student loans would allow me more than 50 000 dollars I would just be a student for life. It is really the best. I am going to miss this constant state of exhaustion. I will miss the annoying group members I have been stuck with. I will miss the ninja feeling of sneaking a text before the professor turns around from the whiteboard.

End of friendships has been sad and has been enlightening. I started this year with two people that I thought would be in my life forever and have come to realize that sometimes people are only ment to be in your life for a specific period. Not everything can last forever, even if you want it to. People change. They drift apart. People that once completely understood you start to look at you as if you are insane. People that you could talk to for hours start to irritate you with just a single word. These things happened. And they happened to me. But its okay. People leave and other people fill that space. Change is constant. I am thankful for what I have shared with these people. I am thankful for what they have given me. I have learnt so much about myself from our coming together and our falling apart. When this year ends, we will to. We say we will keep in touch, but we won't. And thats okay. We are different now and those differences are going to set us on different paths and although they aren't what we expected them to be. They are going to be equally as great.

This is my sad studying look. The type of look that I feel most students have after being awake for 3 days straight cramming for a midterm, writing a paper, or working to pay off student debt.  I am a little freaked out at how close I am to being done school. I have decided that I might save the world somehow. Lofty career aspiration, I know, but why not? Someone has to do it right? Why not me.